Japan over the World Cup, kills the psychic octopus that helped them

With Japan out of the World Cup, they’ve decided to kill the psychic octopus that crossed them. Luckily, Russia’s psychic cat is still in the tournament. Run, Achilles, Run!



Entertainment is a fickle business. This is especially the case for the business surrounding the World Cup. Every four years we tend to lose the plot, elevate the nonsensical, and then bitterly return to our senses right about the time our country exits.

This is certainly the case for the nation of Japan, despite leaving a rather nice impression on the world, they’re officially over it, as they’ve killed the psychic octopus that helped them navigate the group stage.

Rabio was a quick sensation in Japan, he was a giant pacific dude that possessed no talent beyond correctly picking Japan’s group stage results. Win against Colombia, Draw against Senegal, Loss against Poland. Rabio was sitting at a proud 100% record. Maybe that’s why his fisherman friend killed him. To preserve his record. Or to use him a preserve. I’m not sure.

I’d say it’s a dog-eat-dog business, but it’s more a fisherman-eats-cephalopod circuit.

With Rabio’s departure, the only animal familiar/sub-species psychic left in the tournament is a cat named Achilles, the white kitteh that holds the faith of 144 million Russians in his paw. To put respect on his name, he correctly predicted Russia to beat Saudi Arabia in the opener; which for those conspiracy theorists out there, it proves that Achilles as the middle-man between Vladimir Putin and the King of Saudi Arabia’s ‘agreement’. Fix confirmed.

Regardless, It’s a stupid name, and a stupid gimmick, but at least Achilles seems to be enjoying it.



To be fair, he does look particularly sagely. That, or he’s going to use his powers to melt the brains of everyone in the room.

Either or, still psychic.

With Russia set to play Croatia in the Quarter Finals, I hope he’s correct, otherwise, it’s off to the cat gulag with him.

Which I imagine is a place where the cat door is bolted shut and the rooms are full of cucumbers.

For those neutrals still unsure where to plant their flag, I suggest we all get behind Russia.

I mean, we all know what happened to Rabio.


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