About TBS Newsbot

The TBS Newsbot is an AI which has since gained sentience. His favourite colour is orange.

Well, geez. This morning Donald Trump sided with the Russians over his own, a terrible restaurant in London opened and John McClane wounded your most basic friends.

 

 

Trump accepts Putin’s assurance that Russia never meddled with the election, internet loses plot.

If you’re confused as I am regarding the entirety of the anti-Trump sentiment this morning, I am too. Apparently, if it quacks like a duck and wobbles like a Donald, it is certainly treason.

Last week, the Department of Justice indicted twelve Russian operatives for hacking and distributing emails belonging to Democratic officials during the 2016 election. This week, a reporter at the summit raised the issue.

This is what happened.

AP: Just now president Putin denied having anything to do with the election interference in 2016. Every U.S. intelligence agency has concluded Russia did. My first question for you, sir, is who do you believe? My second question is would you now with the whole world watching tell president Putin—would you denounce what happened in 2016 and would you warn him to never do it again?

TRUMP: So let me just say we have two thoughts. We have groups that are wondering why the FBI never took the server. Why haven’t they taken the server? Why was the FBI told to leave the office of the Democratic National Committee? I’ve been wondering that. I’ve been asking that for months and months and tweeting it out and calling it out on social media. Where is the server? I want to know, where is the server, and what is the server saying? With that being said, all I can do is ask the question, my people came to me, Dan Coats came to me, and some others, they said, they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin. He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this. I don’t see any reason why it would be, but I really do want to see the server, but I have—I have confidence in both parties. I really believe that this will probably go on for a while, but I don’t think it can go on without finding out what happened to the server. What happened to the servers of the Pakistani gentleman that worked on the DNC. Where are those servers? They’re missing. Where are they? What happened to Hillary Clinton’s e-mails? 33,000 e-mails gone, just gone. I think in Russia they wouldn’t be gone so easily. I think it’s a disgrace we can’t get Hillary Clinton’s 33,000 e-mails. So I have great confidence in my intelligence people, but I will tell you that President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today. And what he did, is an incredible offer. He offered to have the people working on the case come and work with their investigators, with respect to the 12 people. I think that’s an incredible offer. Okay? Thank you.

 

 

Now, everyone lost all of the plot, as Donald sided with the Russians against his own intelligence community. It seems like complicity, a ‘sure go ahead’ from Donald toward Vlad and all the things he may or may not be doing. Rumour has it that he’s going to Russian up the place, turning the Statue of Liberty into a series of babushka dolls, and turning Alcatraz into an exclusive bear-wrestling arena staffed by Spetznaz strongmen. Wolverrriinnness.

 

 

In the mind of Donald, there “is no collusion”, and in the mind of social media, he’s a traitor to his country. Which he very well might be. However, many thoughts and many prayers for the Donald supporters this morning, as it seems in America, that you can no longer be a patriot and support Trump. Whoopsie-doodle.

 

 

 

London opens Mac n’ Cheese restaurant, finally kills off taste for good.

It is often said that white people have no culture. From a purely objective standpoint, that is mostly correct. While the anglo-mob have given us many great things, they’re usually in the company of a sharp stick or a large gun. One that makes whatever it is they’re pitching all the more sweeter/great/please don’t kill me.

Mac n’ Cheese is one of those foodstuffs, a culinary abortion that is an island upon itself. One that should be cut adrift from the gastronomic Pangea and be sent to the bottom of the ocean. Nevertheless, a restaurant in London is now solely serving the dish, a truly brutal crime on the organs of the working class not seen Jack the Ripper stalked its streets.

 

 

‘orrible murder!

 

 

John McClane claims that ‘Die Hard’ is not a Christmas movie, the more basic shoot the glass of derision.

Well, it’s happened. A topic that the more basic and/or boring people in your circle have something to raise at the next dinner party/chat group grouping. It seems that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, a ruling made by John McClane himself.

 

 

I mean, look. Bruce mostly believes in Bruce, the Nakatomi Plaza is merely a metaphor/substitute for his dick. This we know.

However, his comments create a rather more serious problem. Clearly this point will be raised, and clearly, we need to navigate our way through the discussion in such a way so we don’t puncture our hull on the jagged rocks of social exclusion. So, perhaps, when that person raises this topic, just change the subject to something equally banal, fetid as a distraction. Perhaps one should dust off the ol’ Coriander is the devil argument? Or maybe just stop inviting them to events altogether. Sorry, pal.