While you were asleep: Trump corrects himself, Australia’s next hottest venomous killer, Cher totally kissed Meryl

Well, the world has not yet blown up. I’m disappointed too. Overnight, Trump took back what he said, Australia added inches to its assumption and Cher and Meryl kissed. Cool.



Trump claims that he didn’t betray America, he just forgot how to speak.

As it turns out, Donald Trump isn’t treasonous, he’s just a very dim boy. Yesterday, the world spun off its axis after Donald flipped off the screaming eagle and wound an arm around the hip of his problematic foreign beau, Vladimir Putin. But today, that doesn’t matter as it seems that Donald wasn’t actually greenlighting further subversion of democracy, no, he just said the wrong word.

“The sentence should have been, ‘I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t, or why it wouldn’t be Russia’ instead of ‘why it would’,”

He also spouted some high range nonsense about the machinations of Fake News, blaming that he was misrepresented. You would have to say that Donald’s greatest crime is not destroying the trust between Americans and their appointed officials (because who cares), but the cold-blooded murder of sense, logic, and language. Admittedly, he made every 8 year old believe he could become President as he too says nah-uh, but at what cost. It’s been a winding sinus headache since 2016. Make the pain stop.



Australia wins the venomous snake sweepstakes, the more basic citizens hone their lies.

If there’s one thing we Australians love clinging to, is the generally accepted falsehood that death waits around every corner. Sharks, snakes, spiders, Ivan Milat. Wherever we travel, or indeed, when travellers arrive here, we love elevating the stereotype. It makes us feel tough.

Fortunately, this morning there’s another black and white striped factoid that allows us to hiss our lies with glee, as Queensland has discovered a brand new venomous snake. Yeah yeah, but it on the pile, cobber – you call that a knife, et cetera.



Honestly, it’s pretty cute. But even more honestly, I suggest we be honest. Make it part of the census, let’s form a referendum to highlight it. Either or, it’s time we stop the lies. All it needs to be is an anonymous tick on a box. We can even argue the wording.

Have you crossed paths with our dangerous fauna? If ‘NO’ have you lied about it?



Meryl Streep and Cher join forces to rule Hollywood with a violent tone.

This morning, two great titans of entertainment like totally macked out. On the promotional trail of Mammamia 2: Electric Boogaloo, Cher’s lips met those of Meryl, and upon that moment they melded, changed and formed a meta-beast of entertainment so towering that your mum has totally already spun the top off a Cab-Merlot in gleeful fear. Moviegoers, first-daters and dragged partners, tremble at the awesome might of CHERYL!



Look. I’d much rather see those two fight another portmanteau couple instead of seeing Pierce Brosnan attempting to sing again. Give the people what they want.

Cheryl v Brangelina. Make it happen.



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