The wearable tech that stops us from looking at our wearable tech

According to some, we’re at the tipping point of our tech addictions. So much so, that one company has designed something to wean us off it. 



The problem with modern tech is that it might be too good. In my lifetime, we’ve gone from rubbish midi ringtones, to Snake, to Snake II, to fudging every little thing. It’s a dizzying ascension, and it makes complete sense that we’ve entirely lost all of our lives to it.

However, much like every nifty piece of tech that twists free of our control, we want to put the genie back in the bottle. Look, it didn’t work for the atom bomb, it’s not going to work for the iPhone.

Nevertheless, the greatest and latest piece of technology to stop us from using technology is the ‘dumb watch’, which as far as I can tell is not a smartwatch, in fact, it is barely a watch, it’s just a hunk of nonsense. Look at it.



As far as I can ascertain, it holds the same power as a mirror in a parrot’s cage. You look at it (yourself) instead of looking at your phone. Who’s a pretty boy, then? The theory is that you essentially need to look at something out of habit, so instead of focusing on your phone and falling into it, you look at a piece of useless metal on your wrist. Impulse sated, solution granted.

I guess. I mean, unless you gaze at it and see that idiot looking back at you, the one who shelled out real earth money on this useless trinket and recoil, I mean, sure.

According to the article that announced the product (which was rife with “this is not PR, swear to god” disclaimers), it works: “Whereas I usually averaged 110 pickups a day, with the dumb watch I averaged between 75 and 90; so roughly 1/3rd less than usual. For what it’s worth, this wasn’t a scientific study—nor do I claim it to be—I simply just found this to be an effective method of checking my phone less on the days that I wore it.”

You can justify it all you want. I just find it slightly ironic that you want to free yourself from crippling expensive needless technology by purchasing something that does even less than what you’re trying to free yourself from. It’s the magic bean approach to problem-solving.



Let us be honest here, if you truly want to break free from the electronic claws of modernity, just go cold turkey. If you pull it off, you can rub your excellence in the faces of those you love.

You earned it, you tiresome bore, you.


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