Facebook Dating is almost upon us. But, before we all give up and start using it through grit teeth, they’ve been good enough to tease us a bit. Flirty.



Not too long ago (but ages ago), meeting someone on Facebook was a nerve-rattling exercise in social expulsion. 2009 was a fine time, let me tell you. The dopamine kick was different. We shot it in different ways. It was a time when you openly ranked your friends on the side panel, and we commented in the second person. It was a time before the rise of Fake News, and it was before the age of random men from the sub-continent solely looking for bob. We spread photos of our genitals, sure, but it was fine.

While all that was the case, it certainly wasn’t a place to meet people, it was a place to speak to people you already knew. Despite this, Facebook must own everything, including our hearts, so they’ve decided to roll out their dating service. We’ve already warned of this day previously, so for those still above ground and hopeful for the best, or love, I’m very very disappointed in you.

Although still in the testing phase, we do have some idea what it will look like.



How does it work? Well, it’s a function, not an app, so once you opt-in, your attempts at picking people up will be stored on a nameless HDD somewhere in Vladivostok, safely kept until you decide to run for office. I’m kidding.

You’re not running for office.

Seriously, though. Once you say ‘I do’ to Facebook Dating, this happens, according to TechCrunch:

“…only other people who have also turned it on will be able to see you, and it won’t be shared to News Feed. You can choose if friends of friends can see you or not, and Dating profiles allow non-binary and transgender and orientation options. You’ll unlock Groups or Events you’re a part of for Dating, and you’ll be able to browse potential matches based on the plethora of info Facebook knows about you. If two people express interest in each other (no swiping), they can text each other over Messenger or WhatsApp.

TechCrunch has learned some new details from Facebook, as well. Facebook is considering a limit on how many people you can express interest in, which would prevent a spammy behaviour of rapidly approving everyone you see. Blocking someone on Dating won’t also block them on Facebook, though that’s not finalised.”

According to the release, it will remain free and sans ads. For now.

So, I guess they’re coming, and the only thing left to ask if we’re all ready to Zuck. Are we?

I’m not.

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