TBS Learns To Love

Single? It’s because they’re out of your league


According to one study, there’s a very good reason why you’re still single – you’re not being realistic. 



There’s often a plea trumpeted by the single and lonely, when hope runs dry and we loudly wonder if there’s anything wrong with us. The answer, according to one study, is of course not. According to the minds of Science Advance, it seems that the people we seek are the problem. You see, apparently, they’re too good for us. I know.

You see, our lofty opinion of ourselves is making us miserable, as the study believes we’re pursuing those approximately 25% more desirable than we actually are. In local parlance, this is known as “punching”, which is shorthand for a complete dropkick of a partner taking advantage of someone who isn’t aware of their own value.

Back to the study. The researchers also attempted to dip their toe into the murky waters of “desirability” and discovered that the festering fish below preferred feeding on the ladies who earned their undergraduate degree. Moronically, they were more desirable than those who stayed longer and earned their graduate degrees proper.

However, for those who will continue to attempt to punch above their weight, because you’re not listening, the study believes you should keep your messages short. The researchers found that men and women who entertain this pursuit tend to write longer messages, you know, to attempt to whitewash your shortcomings with mirth. The study found this approach to be “not necessarily effective”.

So, what’s a person to do? You can’t use your personality to hook people, but you can’t help but be attracted to more attractive people. Well, bitterly, the study concludes with similar advice the more deluded/unhelpful friends might give you in that you should just keep on tryin’, stating: “The chances of receiving a reply from a highly desirable partner may be low, but they remain well above zero, although one will have to work harder, and perhaps also wait longer, to make progress.”

Maybe we need to start finding 25% more desirable scientific studies, hey.

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