While you were asleep: ScoMo backers “planned” spill, Law celebrates Potter lore, Keanu Reeves turns 448

Monday morning revealed a twist on the spill narrative, Jude  Law travelling to a train station and Keanu Reeves celebrating the mid-point of his fourth century on earth. Whoa.



Turnbull minister claims Morrison backers long planned the spill, wants answers.

The generally-held spill narrative was that Peter Dutton’s schemers rose and our current Prime Minister rode in atop a winged horse/heavily tranquilised mule to rescue the old one. All hail ScoMo, the lesser of two evils. Well, according to a former Turnbull minister, it seems that the backers of Morrison were too sharpening their knives long before Dutton plunged his into Malcolm’s flank.

Per the ABC, Senator Fierravanti-Wells said having seen what emerged it was “very clear” that those people who were supporting Mr Morrison were doing so for “quite some time and it is very clear that the people who have emerged as his strong backers are people well known here in NSW, well-known powerbrokers and well-known powerbrokers here in the Liberal Party in NSW.”



“Considering that the vote for the Dutton camp was 40 then there must have been people … supporting Morrison who actually voted for a spill and that I think has opened up the whole gambit of what the various possibilities were. I think it’s important for the Australian public to know that.”

Curious and curiouser. I mean, no. Let’s not find interest, give attention or deify the concept of the leadership spill. It already has too much influence over us. It’s double denim politics. It’s tacky, it’s old, and yet, it keeps returning to our rotations. In the bin with ye.




Actor hangs out at train station to celebrate transport system that doesn’t exist.

Let’s be clear. There’s nothing less fuckable/interesting than a mature aged student. Which is not a knock to those who are looking to enter a scholastic program (you totally should), but those students who have long graduated and decide to tour the campus grounds are certainly not worth your digits in whatever form. Even if they happen to be Jude Law. Actually, especially if they happen to be Jude Law. That git.

As every Pottermore dork knows, the scheduled time/date of the Hogwarts Express leaves platform nine and three-quarters at 11.30am on September 1. To celebrate it, the Ministry of (PR) Magic tasked Messrs. Law and Redmayne to stand at a train station for the benefit of thousandfold fluttering nerdgasm/camera shutter purposes. What an odd life they must lead. What is on today, honey? Oh, I have to go to the train station in the morning, stand in a spot then leave. 

Me too, Jude, you ain’t special.







Keanu Reeves celebrates birthday, internet is fuzzy on the actual number.

And finally, it’s a happiest of birthdays to everyone’s favourite whoa-enthusiast, Keanu Reeves. There’s a slight pickle, though, as no-one is exactly sure how many candles to pop on his cake. The official lie says 54, but further internet research has muddied the data somewhat.



What do you get for a man for his 488th birthday? Who do you ask, really? Everyone’s dead. Do we all go 3,666ths on a gilded carriage, or zip over the New World and bring him back a blanket of exotic spices the likes of which he’s ne’er seen, or do we send an emissary to Zacharias Janssen and request an audience to witness the mysterious magical powers of his invention, the odd thing he calls the ‘microscope’?

Sigh. Let’s just put two gold sovereigns in a trifle of folded parchment.

T’happiest of birthdays, Keanu.



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