Sydney set to be washed away by tsunami tonight, and we can’t wait

Good news! In less than three hours, Sydney will be washed away in a wave of biblical fury. It’s about damn time.



There have been many who have forewarned us of the coming apocalypse, and many have failed us. The Maya, Nostradamus, Aunty Bev’s Tarot cards. We’ve long been set up for hope, but our hopes have forever remained dashed.

Fortunately, hope for the end springs eternal, and if one sign-based religion is to be believed, the time/date for judgement day is 9pm this evening, when a great and terrible wave of God’s wrath will come and wash away the residents of Eastern Sydney.

Early predictions note that 400,000 of us will hit the mortal lottery, scoring the rest of our lives off work. Sweet.



In the interest of objective journalism, let’s assume that the threats are absolutely true. I mean, why else would you twist the words of the Lord for your own ends? Admittedly, you won’t be able to fit much personal excess in two-and-a-half hours, but you probably should have read your bible more.


Per the press release that accompanied tonight’s armaggedon, the carnage is set to spread between Newcastle and Nowra, with all in between set to begin a new life under the sea.

I mean, why not. At least this new Atlantis will have two casinos.

That’s certainly something.






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