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Jesus returns…to sledge Sydneysiders with typo-riddled note

Today, Jesus returned, warning of future destruction if we don’t behave. To prove he was serious, he used clip-art. See you in Hell, sinners.



Hey, remember that day last month, the one where Jesus said he was going to kill us all with a giant wave? Yeah, we were disappointed in him too.

Despite our best of hopes, the moist doomsday promised didn’t arrive, but it seems that it never was, as we’ve misinterpreted the written word of the Lord. No matter, as he’s returned with a note to explain that we’re not entirely off the hook.

In a matter befitting the word of God, it seems that organised religion as backed up the vengeful fury with some tasteful clipart, handily explaining that the recent hailstorm/plentiful drought is actually the word of the man upstairs because of the whole marriage equality vote. To prove his seriousness, he also claimed that it was he that engineered the Libspill, planting a true man of his station in the hot seat, proclaiming: “I have judged and removed that wicked Prime Minister, who gave you the evil desires of your heart.”

Which might be true. Scott?



I can’t imagine the great potter using MS word as much as I can imagine an archbishop attaching a casual letter of hate to the windscreen wiper of my sinful Camry, but the while the Lord works in mysterious ways, it seems that he can’t work the spellcheck, claiming that he will “delight to brake our pride”. Unless it’s a biblical car pun. Does Jesus do puns? Scott?

I mean, to be fair, he’s used to writing in Aramaic.




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