Andrew Wicks

About Andrew Wicks

Andrew Wicks is a country boy with a penchant for movies and sport. After a few years working in health, he decided he'd rather work with today's youth and studied arts and education in rural NSW. His main interests are religion, health and lairy shirts.

We men have the luxury of forgetting our victims, our victims do not

Donald Trump’s defence of Brett Kavanaugh hinges on the fact that his victims are wrong, as they couldn’t possibly remember the moment accurately. Sadly, his assumption is one we’ve all had.



Earlier today, Donald Trump took to the stage in Mississippi to shoot down the accusations against Brett Kavanaugh, claiming that they couldn’t possibly be true, because the whole thing happened so long ago. On a certain level, it seems logical. For through the passing of time, the facts and details are transmuted, or as the man himself eloquently put it:



The same line echoed the statements of Kavanaugh, in how could they possibly remember something so vague, so far gone in such vibrancy? As the writer John DeVore put it: “…America is a man and we are a country that forgets. Power doesn’t recall. On the advice of counsel, money takes the fifth”

Both Donald Trump and Brett Kavanaugh, whether they believe it or not, are illustrating an obvious truth many of us hold. We men can afford to forget, and we can choose what to remember. We don’t recall the acts, because they don’t really matter to us. They’re not memorable for that reason. A night in college was just a night in college. Conversely, for our victims, it is forever recalled as that night in college.

I can absolutely guarantee that every one of us has at least one. One where we pushed the sexual boundaries, one where we struck out, but not for a lack of trying. Maybe where we stood in the doorway until they told us absolutely sure it was actually ‘goodnight’, maybe We went home, went to bed, and moved on with our lives.

But those moments that exist in fragments lie complete in the minds of those we touched, or hoped to.

In the interest of honesty, the year and the date slips, but I remember the scared eyes of a girl, not a woman, who was asked to come over our house by two friends of mine, who were far older than she was. All three knew each other from the sandwich shop they worked at, I was the odd one out. I just happened to be there. From my friends’ side, I suppose they assumed she knew the score, otherwise why would she come over? Upon arrival, her body language read differently. For what I can remember, and what I can suppose through the benefit of foresight, she resisted within the tolerated boundaries of normalcy. In the interim years, when I returned to that point and that couch, I long wondered why she didn’t just walk out of the room. I know the answer know to be because she feared us. She didn’t dare raise the vibrations in the room, as she feared about the possibilities of what could be next. Of course, when I wonder why she didn’t ask them to stop, I’m projecting, as I’m wondering why I didn’t ask them to.

The reason is the some one why I’m only addressing this now, I was able to forget about it. It was some curio of some long gone year done by people that we weren’t anymore, and besides that, nothing happened. 

.But it did, of course it did, we just need to recognise it.

What we have, is an opportunity to learn. We can do it as quietly, or as loudly as we choose. Today’s clip, paired with the recent viral trend of women explaining what they’d do if we in bed by 9pm (spoiler alert, normal things) grants us this window into ourselves.

All we need to do is to remember, and not forget.


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