- A feminist revision of 90’s “girl power”
- The importance of alternative media in the modern age
- Ignore Boris, the danger lies in his cabinet
- The gig economy will rent you a friend (stranger without a background check) for cash!
- Paul Kelly, Harry’s Cafe de Wheels and OzHarvest: A collab made in Gravy heaven
The sagely Dotty LaFou returns, this time to help you navigate the world of celebrities, and in particular, how to ankle the people you know who make a fool of themselves.
My sister and I saw a movie recently and as we left the cinema, she spotted Hugh Jackman and ran up and asked him for a selfie. I was disgusted by her giggling fawning behaviour because I think celebrities should be left alone, so I went straight to the car and drove off without her. Now she’s not speaking to me. Did I overreact?
Oh, darling, I know exactly what you mean about leaving celebrities alone. You’re such a sensitive soul, I can tell, except maybe in relation to your sister. One time, my insufferable sister-in-law Berenice saw Nicole Kidman at a coffee shop in Palm Beach. She was obviously on holidays because she was wearing beach attire and her children were with her and apparently she goes to Palm Beach so often that the locals just let her be. But Berenice doesn’t have any idea and she’s the most dreadful attention seeker. She marched right up to Nicole, gushed all over her, begged for a selfie and even had the gall to demand where Keith was that day. I mean, the nerve! Poor Nicole, it must be so draining having to be charming all the time to idiots like my sister-in-law.
I know what it’s like, darling Mike, I do. People often approach me in the food hall when I’m trying to select a delicious creamy brie or some such, or when I’m in the dog park walking my precious perfect Pomeranian, darling little Lady Gaga. People want to say hello and thank me for my insights and pithy advice. But you know me darling, I really don’t like to talk about myself. I’m a professional and sharing information about myself isn’t my style, dearest Mike. But my readers are so loyal and loving that it would truly be uncharitable of me to refuse to be in their selfies, so I oblige. My radiant smile is of course a small gift to my beautiful devotees. But I’ll be honest Mike, it does get a little wearing, especially as Lady Gaga is so attractive to all the other breeds at the dog park and their owners are naturally always seeking my counsel on this or that. Lady Gaga’s particular friends are Birdie, an adorable little Bichon Frise and a rather hirsute poodle called Duchess Carmelita von Brandenburg. Seriously, I ask you, have you ever heard a more ridiculous name? If there’s one thing I detest it’s pretentiousness. I don’t have a pompous bone in my body, darling. Why, my dear late husband Edouardo used to say that I was the most down-to-earth girl he’d ever met – just look at how I prefer to be called Dotty rather than Dorotéa, the overblown name with which my parents endowed me. But goodness me, there I go off on a tangent that has nothing to do with your tricky problem, darling Mike.
Look, my angel, the truth is that you did overreact. Your sister, bless her heart, was smitten with Hugh Jackman – and why wouldn’t she be, he’s just divine – and was so overcome with all that masculine Wolverine-ish charisma that she simply couldn’t contain herself and now she has a photograph of herself with a famous movie star. Your desire to leave celebrities alone is admirable darling, it truly is and I wish there were more people like you, but stars are used to being approached by fans and they’re generally accommodating as long as you don’t swamp the poor lambs. So darling, really you must apologise to your star-struck sister. Give her a call, and while you’re chatting you can let slip that you too have been speaking with someone famous. Yes, darling – me!
Glad to have been of help. Ta ta for now.