Mathew Mackie

The ultimate holiday playlist for relatives with dietary concerns

playlist

Last Christmas, I had to scale a mountain of dietary concerns of my ingrate relatives. This year, I made a holiday playlist to quietly spite them.

 

 

Welp, it’s holiday season once more. With it come the droves of relatives and the drone of their children. Those teensy tiny micro nabobs who have shifted from annoying kids to annoying young adults. Whatever your culinary fare, it’s fair to assume that you fudged it up. Little Bobby is a celiac. Teena is a vegan. Persephone is into photosynthesis. Hell’s teeth.

Now, you can’t lash out, or question their choices, because society deems that be something that nice people do not do. You don’t want to be the problem. They’re the problem. Nevertheless, these interlopers are coming, and you best accommodate. Because you won’t be accommodating otherwise, right?

However, there is a way around it. A wash to subtly slam their difficulties, one that doesn’t involve you driving them to the train station, or the emergency room. Just drop this playlist, and lock eyes with them – especially the moment when the realisation drops, and you know, and they know that you just retook Christmas.

The playlist is freely open for sampling, but consider the list below a mere appetiser of the menu proper.

Also, if you’re kicked out of the family and are alone for Christmas ’19, you’re very welcome.

 

Vegetarian/vegan Tier

 

Celiac tier

 

Lactose intolerant tier

 

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