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Canseco promises to bring his ‘roids to Washington, Trump

The man who introduced steroids to baseball, Jose Canseco, wants to do the same to the Trump administration. Why not?



A fair indicator of how far we’ve slipped into nonsense is our inability to immediately identify satire. The completely insane, seems completely plausible. The joke is no longer that something will never happen, we’re now adjusting for a world where it did.

I don’t want to bag the Trump administration, but they’ve done something galling. Through their incompetence, they’ve allowed America’s premier antagonists back in the house. Through their backstabbing, many a cast out individual will be coming home this Christmas for Turkey and egg-nog.

Jose Canseco is one of these people. Jose was a force made of equal parts steroids and ego. It was he that freely snitched on baseball’s steroid era, famously opining that he wouldn’t have even made the big leagues if he didn’t have steroids for breakfast every day. He also wrote a book claiming that it was he that introduced steroids to baseball.

It mattered, because baseball is a sacred lump of apple pie to the Americans. They’re constantly changing, but a game that hasn’t changed since 1891 is their tether to a past they’ve ruined. The people who play that game are earnest heroes. Heroes, all. Jose Canseco’s inability to keep his mouth shut killed many childhoods. Suddenly, those heroes of yore were just druggies. Rich, ripped druggies. This denial of the truth is the organ music that plays under baseball. Babe Ruth, the father of America spent most of his time drunk or balls deep in sex workers while his teenage wife slept on his farm in the middle of nowhere. But he could hit balls real well. Also, quick aside, the media knew. They chose not to report it.

But, back to Canseco. It was his article that kicked off a government-lead investigation on the use of steroids in the game. For this, he was outed. A pariah. He had whatever he had, but he was done.

Until yesterday, when Jose tweeted Donald Trump, wondering if he could fill the vacant Chief of Staff position. The man even referenced his own steroid usage in the aforementioned missive.



According to the internet, Jose won it. With that being said, the usage of an Obama-era slogan may hurt his application. With that being said, he might be a suitable pick. He does have experience in Washington.



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