TBS Learns To Love

If you’re not pregnant this Christmas, you’re a loser: Study

According to numerous internet studies, Christmas is the most likely time that we’re either getting busy, or busy breaking up. 

 

 

According to the populace, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. According to the internet, not so much. Despite the fact that that holiday never changes, it is a time of change, as numerous studies point to it being the time we’re most likely to break up (or knock up) our partners. An internet science man named David came to the hypothesis (after stalking people on Facebook) that the birthday of the baby Jesus is an extremely likely time where we part. As it’s a time for families to come together, many couples reflect on the rut they’ve lovingly dug throughout the twelve months prior, either wondering what they were thinking, or thinking that they’d rather not have to explain their partner in crime to those who raised them.

It makes sense. Trav might seem interesting under the flickering of strobe light and the din of a thrash metal soiree, but he’s not really Christmas material. Explosive sex and a lack of things in common a memorable Chrimbo din-din does not make.

There’s a rather more fun aspect to the internet’s surmisals, in that that little bundle of joy is extremely likely to start its voyage into ruining/making/ruining your life, as a group of researchers discovered that December is the month that we’re most interested in doing the devil’s two-step (read: sex).

The study draws upon data from nearly 130 countries, including sex-related Google search terms and pub(l)ic Twitter posts. It’s all in an effort to define a our sexual whims on a “planetary” level. Gross. Per the study: “The analysis revealed that interest in sex peaks significantly during major cultural or religious celebrations — based upon a greater use of the word “sex” or other sexual terms in web searches. These peaks broadly corresponded to an increase in births nine months later in countries with available birth-rate data.”

But why? Well, the researchers believe that we get carried away, and we’re subject to our most primordial instincts, aided and abetted by the mellifluous seasonal timbre of Michael Buble. They said “…We observe that Christmas and Eid-Al-Fitr are characterized by distinct collective moods that correlate with increased fertility,” Rocha said. “Perhaps people feel a greater motivation to grow their families during holidays when the emphasis is on love and gift-giving to children. The Christmas season is also associated with stories about the baby Jesus and holy family, which may put people in a loving, happy, ‘family mood.'”

Gross.

Well, I guess it’s sort of like what Morgan Freeman once said. Get busy getting busy, or get busy breaking…up. I guess?

What do you care? You’ve already made your mind up, you heartbreakin’ shaggin’ baby makin’ sex pot. You go, you.

 

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