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Three trends that will make 2019 the worst year yet

It’s 2019! And to celebrate, the world has gifted us a series of nonsense trends that will surely live forever. Well, they won’t – but neither will we, so get onboard, dudes.

 

 

Well, we’re not that far into 2019, and it’s safe to assume that we’re already sick of it.

But let’s not be too hasty and write it off entirely, as a series of nonsense trends already exist to ease our pain. So, in no particular order of preference (or) merit, welcome into the hip-deep shale of lowest common denominator garbage.

 

1) Tyrrell’s aphrodisiac-flavoured chips

As a fan of love and chips in equal measure, I know that one exclusively inhibits the other. Nevertheless, the Tyrrell chip corporation has manufactured a crisp heavy in love juice that will apparently coerce your partner into sexual congress. I mean, every packet of chips possesses this trait, you just have to not be a dropkick of a partner.

Ask them how their day went. Ask them if there’s anything they’d like. Ask them if they would care to have intercourse. Simples.

 

2) Bakery debuts crushed crickets as a hot new delicacy

Listen up you lot. Soon, because you can’t keep buying Tyrrell’s sex chips and thusly cannot keep it in your pants, we’ll all run out of food. Soon, we’ll have to munch on all those things you previously found a trifle icky. Insects, white bread, your mum’s casserole. Nevertheless, a bakery in Finland is being adult about the situation, baking a loaf with 70 crickets in it. Markus Hellstrom, CEO of Fazer Bakery, said: “The crickets are in the form of flour and they have been ground as a whole cricket and then made into dough and then baked to a very delicious product.”

Just eat it, you snobs.

 

3) Dental nail varnish, because reasons

The dental industry is an evil that has not visited the earth since the days of Genghis Khan. But, because things fall apart (from dental trauma), we’re not allowed to have nice things, we have nail polish for your teeth. It works as you assume it would. Cover your chompers in paint, your teef then look good and that.

 

 

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Getting ready for @themakeupshow #chromtoothpolish is SO easy to apply!

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