- Yet more allegations against our military in Afghanistan set to emerge
- McDonald’s sues former CEO, citing sexual relationships with staff
- 98% oppose the Narrabri coal seam gas project, but it is weeks away from approval
- We could use the European ‘neighbourhood’ model to solve our aged care problem
- No, the pandemic will not be nature’s great comeback
Well, the 2020 presidential race is upon us. But instead of rating the candidates, we’ve decided to focus on something far more important – their dogs.
The 2016 Presidential election simultaneously feels like yesterday and 300 years ago. Lucky us—we’re on the cusp of having to endure the same writhing of democracy again. However, we don’t care. Especially after last time. This time around there are new names and new faces to learn. Or, perhaps not. As it stands, the Democratic field for the 2020 election is already twelve strong. And you know what? We can’t be bothered.
There is something we can freely judge them on, however, as they’ve all entertained the idea of a Presidential pooch—something all residents in the White House have done previously, except for Donald, who is the first in more than 100 years to refuse the honour.
To best assist us in this endeavour, we’ve roped in our resident doggo, Bingley, to give legitimacy to naked clickbait.
Elizabeth Warren and Bailey
Liz Warren is the Senator for Massachusetts (and longtime Trump antagonist) and her golden retriever “Bailey” pawed the campaign trail.
Bailey snoozed all the way home from New Hampshire – campaigning is tiring work for a dog! Check out his view from Saturday’s event in Manchester. pic.twitter.com/OwKxQG0oYv
— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) January 16, 2019
Apparently, Bailey was named after Jimmy Stewart’s character in It’s a Wonderful Life, with Warren writing on Twitter that “we named him after George Bailey, the community banker in It’s a Wonderful Life—a guy who was decent, determined and saw the best in people…I always thought the role of GB was written for a Golden Retriever, but Jimmy Stewart did a nice job with it.”
Bingley: Didn’t Jimmy attempt to kill himself in that movie because he was moved to casual? On Christmas no less? Poor parenting. Bailey is hot, although, he’s not a working breed, so I’d be looking for the nearest block of Cadbury if I were him.
Pete Buttigieg and Buddy
The South Bend, Indiana mayor introduced Americans to “Buddy”, his new shelter dog, via Twitter:
Let me formally introduce you to our new dog Buddy. Buddy is a big source of joy in our household. Like his “brother” @firstdogtruman he represents the many loving dogs in shelters who need homes. pic.twitter.com/UaDr4g0FAP
— Pete Buttigieg (@PeteButtigieg) December 19, 2018
Buttigieg and his husband Chasten Glezman already own another rescue dog, Truman, colloquially known as the “First Dog of South Bend.”
Bingley: I’m just going to say it. Stating that you own a rescue dog is virtue seeking. Stating that you own two, is howlingly paw. Plus, Harry Truman loved dogs, but he hated people. He bombed Japan, but he gave us props. Also, his dog, Feller, was a Cocker Spaniel. So maybe he’s not all that bad.
Kirsten Gillibrand and Maple
The New York senator announced her family had the new Labradoodle puppy in July of 2017 on Twitter:
Meet Maple, the newest member of the Gillibrand family! pic.twitter.com/mCpVz8sGsb
— Kirsten Gillibrand (@SenGillibrand) July 17, 2017
While Maple is mentioned in Gillibrand’s Twitter bio, she hasn’t been featured on the campaign trail. Yet.
Bingley: A New Yorker with a Labradoodle. Original.
Joe Biden and Major
While the former VP (and Obama-era memelord) has not yet officially announced a run, he’s pro doggo. Recently, he adopted Major, a German Shepherd from the Delaware Humane Association, in November after fostering the child for months. Biden apparently wanted a new pup to be a companion to his elderly dog, Champ, another German Shepherd.
Bingley: Forget about young Biden, break me off some of that young Major. Woof.
Beto O’Rourke and Artemis
The former Texas Congressman also has not entered the race, but his black dog was featured during his 2018 battle with Senator Ted Cruz:
— Rep. Beto O’Rourke (@RepBetoORourke) November 23, 2017
O’Rourke also mentioned Artemis several times in his letter to supporters after he lost to the Zodiac.
Bingley: Nice shoulders, stupid name. Goes for both of them.
Sherrod Brown and Franklin
The Ohio Senator made his rescue dog a part of his campaign, naming him Manager of Morale, putting his face on mugs, and featuring him in ads.
Proud to fight for Ohioans of all species. pic.twitter.com/Va9g6MktU3
— Sherrod Brown (@SherrodBrown) October 9, 2018
When Brown won, Franklin accompanied him on stage for his victory speech.
Bingley: I hope Franklin got a cut of the proceeds. Also, wouldn’t bang. Either of them.
Cory Booker and ?
New Jersey senator Cory Booker does not have a dog. He said so much in response to a question from a child on the campaign trail. He does, however, plan to get one to live with him in the White House if he is elected.
Bingley: Piss off back to Jersey, Cory.