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Inmates prepare cutlery for Pell’s welcome party

The news of George Pell’s conviction has the populace of one Victorian prison rushing to welcome him in the proper fashion.



The news of George Pell’s sentencing was met with a flurry of activity in one Victorian prison, as the inmates of busied themselves to prepare for the arrival of the Pope’s loftiest registered sex offender. “Things are a bit busy at the moment, but we’ll make sure we make him feel welcome when he turns up”, said an inmate who was furiously grinding a toothbrush against the floor.

“Me and the boys have already started passing around our own welcome basket”, another proclaimed while squatting over a white plastic bucket. “We’re getting there”, he strained, before passing it to the man next to him, who blithely emptied his nostrils into the cocktail of effluent.

Another inmate, who paused rehearsing his loudest dog bark, disclosed to our reporter: “It’s like a wedding you know, there’s never enough time. But we’ll be ready.”



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