The Chuck-E-Cheese recycled pizza conspiracy (with a side of nonsense)

Over in the US, the Washington Post believes that kid-based-pizza emporium Chuck-E-Cheese is recycling their pizza slices. They took down Nixon, you know.



Chuck-E-Cheese is an American institution, a palace of questionable entertainment, obsolete animatronic role models and above all, foodstuffs of an unknown origin. It’s ostensibly Vegas for toddlers. A place to be overcome by fun. The latter of the garbage triumvirate found its way to the storied pages of the Washington Post, as their journalists theorised the staff at every restaurant would take the pieces that customers leave and give it to the next one.

Per the WaPo:

“As photos uploaded to Instagram, Yelp and TripAdvisor demonstrate, the crusts on Chuck E. Cheese’s slices don’t always line up to form a perfect circle. To Dawson, who has more than 20 million subscribers on YouTube and whose videos have been viewed more than 4.7 billion times since 2005, this merited further research.

“So I noticed this when I was 8 years old or something,” he said. “I was like, wait a minute, how come all the pieces are different?

Google search turned up twoYahoo! Answers threads from 10 years ago, in which concerned customers postulated that staff at the family-friendly chain were recycling pizza slices that get left behind on the table after customers finish eating. In his video, Dawson strongly suggested that Chuck E. Cheese’s employees could be reheating those old, leftover slices and using them to form new pizzas, despite the fact that no evidence of this has emerged over the past decade.”

This, of course, is the publication that brought down the Nixon administration. Families rising and falling in America, indeed.

With that being said, restaurant-based conspiracy theories is a fairly stuffed smorgasbord, serving up two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda of alternative facts.


Theory #1 – Floridian cop attempts to prove Burger King racket, fails to let go.

According to one policeman, a local burger joint messed with his order, because he’s a policeman. Like all great representatives of the law, he has evidence. The officer in question, Timothy McCormick, believes that the receipt is key to proving his case. Very simply put, because the receipt said “police” on it, that means he was unfairly victimised.

However, it gets far stupider, as McCormick was reviewing the kitchen CCTV (I kid you not), which did show the staff preparing his sandwich in the normal fashion. It didn’t satisfy McCormick though, as he proclaimed to a news outlet that it wasn’t his sandwich, although admitting that “I agree that, in that video, there’s nothing going on. I saw nothing wrong in that video.”

From there, his complaint went all the way to the CEO of Quality Dining Inc., the company that franchises that particular Burger King location. The CEO then invited the Fort Myers Police Department to review the kitchen video footage. After police endorsed analysis, a uniform shrug was made. The case remains open – at least in the mind of Officer McCormick.

I dunno, dude. Maybe try and solve some actual crimes, hey.



Theory #2 – KFC awards basic bitch a gaudy self-portrait.

If there’s one thing that KFC knows, it’s gastronomic regret. That, and viral marketing. Back in 2017, one member of the Twitterati investigated who the Colonel was following on his profile.



The reward for unpacking advertising was a gaudy commissioned artwork, one that nestled in between the selfies of Napoleon and Josef Stalin.



Just like the restaurant itself, it’s really tasteful.


Theory #3 – McDonald’s sued for a less-than-happy meal.

McDonald’s caused an earthquake in the fast food landscape, so it stands to reason that some rather unfortunate nonsense would emerge out of the cracks. Everyone knows that documentary, the one made by the serious documentarian who later on investigated the autocracy of One Direction, and everyone knows of the person who sued the restaurant because their coffee was too hot.

However, there is another nonsense case, one that tends to ride the waves of anecdote, in that an individual rang the lawyers because a Happy Meal didn’t cure their depression.

Disappointingly, it isn’t true. Which makes sense. As someone who proudly has depression, fast food is your friend and your enemy. It doesn’t solve anything, it just makes you feel ok, until it doesn’t.



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