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Sick of internet conjecture, JK Rowling has announced that her next book will just be a list of who is doing who…and how.

 

 

Fresh off her claim that Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald’s relationship was an “incredibly intense love relationship”, JK Rowling has announced that she has started work on a brand new addition to the Potterverse. Titled “Fucktastic Beards and where to find them“, Rowling promises that the new book will offer a definitive list of “which Wizard be canonically fucking who.”

At the press conference Rowling railed against the “clueless internet conjecture” about the sexuality of the characters she created, and the “unfair” criticism she has fielded when she suddenly announces that a character was gay all along. “Wizarding kink has long been swept into the cupboard…far too long has it been left to the fan base to fill in the gaps, with this official version, we can put the rumours to bed,” she concluded.

Rowling remained tight-lipped about the length of the book, but refused rule out the possibility of a brand new series, saying “there’s plenty I haven’t told anyone”.

 

 

 

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