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In a staggering move, all future scientific studies WILL BE REPLACED BY LIBERAL USAGE OF THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON. OK?!
In a statement released today from both the Cochrane Group and PubMed, all peer-reviewed journals will soon be obsolete and replaced with caps lock.
“We have found that people believe using caps lock is more effective than citing any actual research or evidence,” said Dr James Tourney. “So we decided to get with the times and forget the peer-review process and instead focus on making our letters ALL CAPS.”
Anti-science and anti-vaccine advocates are thrilled by the news, having used this tactic for years.
“This once again shows how forward thinking anti-vaccers are. We have been ignoring peer-reviewed evidence for years,” said Marsha McClellan, anti-vaccer. “I use caps lock all the time when I want to get my point across and have no actual science to back it up. It’s about time the idiots at PubMed caught up.”
It is has long been known in anti-vaccine circles that caps lock is much more effective than science at trying to convince others to become anti-vaccine.
“Obviously we can’t use real science and evidence because it goes against what we believe, so we rely on made up vaccine injury stories and the dreaded CAPS LOCK. It works almost every time,” explained McClellan. “FACT.”