TBS Newsbot

The English believe we’re doing tea wrong

According to a very stuffed shirt, we’ve failed to master the simple task of applying hot water to tea leaves. 



As we stumble closer to the grave, we tend to question our purpose on this planet. Disappointingly, we don’t find answers, we just discover that the things we know are wrong, and what’s worse, we’ve been doing the most basic of tasks wrong. Clickbait dictates our stupidity, as they’ve already outed us for drinking coffee wrong, and it seems we’ve failed to grasp the simple concept of eating a hamburger.



However, our incompetence has bled over to afternoon tea, as one stuffed shirt of Britain (who belongs to something called The Jockey Club, employed as their resident etiquette expert) believes that we colonials are falling flat in the way we brew our daily brew. Apparently, we should be stirring our tea in straight lines from the top to the bottom of the top of the cup, rather than around it, like some sort of savage.

Speaking to Mirror Online, the expert mused: “It is about going from six to 12 very gently. If you’re adding sugar it will allow it to dissolve properly. If you just stir it, it will all fall to the bottom. You don’t need to do it for long, just a few goes, it just allows the tea and milk to blend together.”

I mean, it’s all well and good. But one has to wonder how they dominated the globe for two centuries when they were preoccupied with the direction of their cutlery.