Brenton Moore

As a barista, I say bring on the coffee making robots

Source: Cafe X

Apparently, there are robots who can make more coffee (for less) than we human baristas. I’m not giving up my morning shift without a fight. Step up, brew.



As a barista, it’s just about my bedtime, but let me share something first. I was tasked to give my thoughts about the advancements in robot technology, namely the cyborg baristas who can apparently produce 100 coffees an hour. My answer is simple. Fuck, and fuck that. It’s a lot of coffee, and we seldom crack the ton, we have, but please no.

According to Business Insider, “($AU33,500) robot barista can make more than 100 drinks an hour, including espressos, flat whites, and cortados,” with the creator of this hell believing that it is no big thing, stating “I don’t see the robot revolution as a problem.”

So, it’s cheaper and more efficient than us, but am I worried? No. Absolutely not, as there are things that we obsolete flesh pourers can do better. For one, the end product looks garbage. While that may certainly fly in the US, down here, we’re slightly more developed in our tastes.


Source: Cafe X


Two, the impersonality of the exchange strikes me as an issue. You, the customer, are the robots. We can’t be, otherwise, we’re turfed to the scrapheap. Not judging, mind, you need coffee, but you also need us to be personable about it. It’s the dance we do. Having a claw shove piping effluent under your nose when you’ve barely dragged yourself out of bed is a no-no.

More to that note, I’m unsure how developed the matrix is, but the average coffee order is anything but average. You’re all slightly different, there are macro differences in each order. You’re a problem, but you’re our problem. It’s why we remember your name, it’s why we drip dicks into your skinny capp.

If the future of coffee is a train station vending machine with an arm, I’m moving over to tea. That, or maybe an accommodation can be made. The robots can have the night, and we’ll take over in the daylight hours.


Brenton Moore

Brenton is somewhat a musician, somewhat a writer and has worked with a number of writers and musicians in Australia, and intends to continue doing so. Even if he has to work retail.

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