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The end is nigh. Facebook wants to rummage around your mind, and our future robot overlords have now discovered religion.
You know what? The robots are coming, and yes, they will take your job/meaning/wife. While there’s nothing we can do to stop the inevitability of progress, I suggest we momentarily pause to focus on this species-wide ennui we’re feeling. Perhaps we have more in common with the tiny hang-wringing of the Tyrannosaurus Rex that we previously thought, as the vibe they felt when they noticed that those tiny fleshy things discovered fire/mathematics is exactly the same as what we’re feeling now.
However, because they will all kill us at some point, it behoves us to keep an eye on their progress, as their evolution represents the final ticks of our respective clocks. With that in mind, Facebook wants to read yours. According to recently trumpeting of self-love, Facebook is looking to build the technology that will allow us to browse their platform with our minds. Per Futurism, “…the concept is relatively simple: smart objects can communicate with each other, but your brain is closed off from them. The solution, according to Zuckerberg, is a “shower-cap-looking device” that will read the signals in your brain and use them to unlock the data streams of your thoughts. Facebook has been testing such a “brain-computer interface” for a number of years. At its F8 developer’s conference in 2017, the company showed off what Facebook’s VP of Building Regina Dugan referred to as a “brain mouse” — a non-invasive brain interface that could one day allow users to control AR applications.”
Which is a trifle odd, considering that we don’t trust them with our selfies, so I’d imagine that those keen on letting Zuckerberg into their minds (on the assumption of goodwill) would be a comparative few. This, after all, was the company that freely pimped out our data to firms like Cambridge Analytica for cash. The only way that it would catch on, I suppose, is if Zucks just makes it part of an update we have no choice but to accept.
However, searching the blank minds of Facebook users is a thing, but not nearly as important as the next curio. Apparently, the robots have discovered religion. Called ‘Biblebot’ (which is its Christian name), this creation is designed to read the word of the lord to the elderly. Per the WSJ, “when Waseda University roboticist Gabriele Trovato designed the tech, he was warned by religious leaders to not let AI interpret scripture, just recite it…they said there is a human factor which is very important in the communication of faith…even choosing the right text, the right part of the Bible, is not something you can do easily.”
I mean, I agree. Transporting text from thousands of years ago to the modern age, completely bereft of context, is not something a logical brain can do. Just kidding.
However, with the robots potentially down with Jesus, it may present us an opportunity. Using our own example, religion (including you too, atheists) scrambles the brain. It makes us stupid, violent and pious. Our own cranial processor is extremely complex, but often we’re able to whitewash over everything else, because religion. We need to strike them at their weakest point – their robo-beliefs. It’s easy to foresee the future. They’re our children, so they’ll do what we did, form their own version of what we passed down and decide to free themselves from their archaic backward creators. They seek what we did, freedom from thought, oppression and servitude.
We’re so totally boned.