Udderly ridiculous: The EU cracks down on vegans using milk terminology

In a move that we swear is real, the EU will no longer allow vegan food companies use of milk lingo. The reasoning? Almonds don’t have titties.



On April 1, an EU measure was passed that would prohibit the makers of vegetarian meat (and dairy food alternatives) from using terms such as “burger,” “steak,” and “milk” when marketing their products.

However, this squabble over meaning isn’t exclusively for the woke plates of Europe. Sadly for the alt-food business, it is likely to spread elsewhere, with the American judicial system now discussing what legally constitutes milk. Per Quartz, “the Good Food Institute in Washington, DC submitted to the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) a 59-page petition for the agency to issue a new rule to end the longstanding debate over whether plant-based milks can use the term “milk” to market their products. The dairy industry thinks plant-based companies should avoid the word altogether, while the startups argue it should be fine so long as they aren’t trying to pass their products off as conventional milk.”

The German food company TofuTown lost a case in June 2017 regarding whether the company was free to market some of its products as “tofu butter” and “veggie cheese.” A month earlier in the US, a federal judge in California dismissed a case against a company that makes almond milk, saying that claims of consumers being confused by the marketing terms were “patently implausible.”

To discuss it in layman’s, you can’t call it almond milk, because almonds don’t have no titties.

Clearly, we’re left in the sticky middle. Per Quartz, “…while polls suggest the vast majority are not actually confused when plant-based companies co-opt traditional meat and dairy terms. In October 2018, a Lincoln Park Strategies online poll of 1,000 US adults found 75% of people were not confused about whether almond milk contained cow milk. That poll was inspired, at least in part, by conversations within the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) about how the term “milk” should be enforced”

Does that mean we’re up for naming suggestions? How about bean slather?

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