Study believes dogs are cleaner than bearded men, further enables stereotype

For whatever reason, the world of science won’t leave we hipsters alone. They now believe dogs are cleaner than us. Just leave us be…ard.



While we might be in the final throes of hipsterdom, the world of science is unwilling to let the trend fade without adding to the twine ball of peer-reviewed criticism.

According to the extremely reliable Mail On Sunday, a recent study believes that your average pooch is cleaner than your average bearded person. Ok.

The study took swabs from the beards of eighteen men and the necks of thirty dogs, across a range of breeds (of people and dogs), and compared the results to discover their headline.

Professor Andreas Gutzeit, of Switzerland’s Hirslanden Clinic, told the publication: “The researchers found a significantly higher bacterial load in specimens taken from the men’s beards compared with the dogs’ fur…on the basis of these findings, dogs can be considered as clean compared with bearded men.”

The findings discovered that all the bearded men registered high microbial counts. It looks poor compared to the goodest boys of the dataset, with only 23 of the 30 showing a similar level of microbial presence. The remaining seven dogs and their moderate levels of creepy crawlies in their fur deem them the winner, and for pogonophobes out there, further evidence to never converse with a bearded person ever again.

In response, Keith Flett, founder of the militant Beard Liberation Front, called bullshit, disclosing to the MailOnline: “‘I think it’s possible to find all sorts of unpleasant things if you took swabs from people’s hair and hands and then tested them. I don’t believe that beards in themselves are unhygienic…there seems to be a constant stream of negative stories about beards that suggest it’s more about pogonophobia than anything else.”

Tell you what. Put beard wash on the PBS, or freely available at your local carwash, and we’ll meet you halfway.


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