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Wedding photographers know which unions are doomed

While we don’t see the wedding photographer, they see plenty. In fact, one thread on Reddit illustrates the many red flags they’ve noticed whilst documenting the big days of strangers.

 

 

If there’s one person more stressed at a wedding than those who are tying the knot, it is those who are tasked to document it. While the wedding photographer is one of our most noble societal wretches, a subservient mass of sweat, directions and comedy words to say in unison when highlighting the fact that you’ve willingly given over the last shred of your independence, they do tend to notice things.

Seeing a life through a lens in a repeated setting allows them to draw differences, which makes them an invaluable source of martial soothsaying, as a popular feed on Reddit gives weight to, as they immediately know which couples will be filing for divorce in the years to come, and were good enough to wave the red flags they’ve quietly seen erected over many big days.

 

Red Flag #1 – Obviously cracking on to the help

One photographer noticed that “…he was not winking in the sense that he might have been tearing up or had something in his eye but there was a part in the ceremony where the couple sat down and he would lean his head back in his chair look past his soon to be wife and wink at me or look over his left shoulder and wink at my assistant. It was bizarre.”

Well, duh.

 

Red Flag #2 – One is noticeably quiet

Another wrote,”…typically I saw red flags when the bride or groom is super quiet. I mean silent and just watching. One instance was a groom who barely said ten words to anyone during the ceremony or reception afterwards. The bride and her mother were extremely loud and excited the entire time. The bride needed everything to be “perfect”. I dropped off the photo bundle with them two weeks later and he was still quiet. She, however, complained about all of the pictures because the groom wasn’t “smiling enough”. She wanted a discount because I couldn’t make him look happy enough. They got divorced about a year later. I know because I did his engagement photos with his new fiancée about four years after his first wedding. His engagement photos showed him much happier.”

 

 

Red Flag #3 – Both parties give into the stress

“Photographer here. You can tell somewhat based on how the couple treats each other on the wedding day. If they are respectful toward one another (and toward me) during a day full of stress then I think that’s a good indicator of being able to deal with other problems that may arise during a marriage.”

Another wrote: “My husband and I are wedding photographers. The one couple we hope we never see again fought the entire wedding day. The couple barely looked at each other, it was so bad.

“Then we had to photoshop a smile onto the groom a couple of times so he at least looked happy in the ceremony of all things.”

 

Red Flag #4 – They opt for the cake smush

One wrote: “Photographer here. I swear that all of the couples that have split up have smashed the cake in their SOs face. None of the nice cake couples have. Just my weird anecdotal experience. Maybe it’s a sign of respect for each other.”

Another chimed in: “Photographer here: to me, the biggest sign is the cake cutting. Some people like to smear the cake everywhere as a joke, some people don’t. Usually, the couple is in sync about this. They know what the other would like and they don’t smush cake on the others face if they wouldn’t want that.

 

 

I mean, all of the above is rather obvious to anyone who possesses eyes, but what are you expecting? They’re not Bertrand Russell. They’re clearly busy spending six months perfecting the lighting they screwed up on the day. Just take the photo, camera-boy.

 

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