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The Easter Bunny shares his five tips to succeed in business

The Easter Bunny was able to give us a moment in his busy schedule to outline the five things he believes has made him so successful.

 

 

 

Hello. I’m the Easter Bunny. Yes, I’m real. If you haven’t been getting anything from me as of late, maybe you should have tried a little harder during Lent.

But enough about you. Let’s talk about me, and how successful I’ve been and how much you can learn from my success.

I have grown my company from a one-bunny startup in a shared office space using one basket and a dozen plastic eggs to the international conglomerate that it is today. How did I do it? Well, it wasn’t easy. And it’ll probably be even harder for you, given my much higher level of intelligence. But if you follow these strategies (and buy my forthcoming book), a similar level of endeavour.

 

1. Stay Hungry

Some people attribute this quote to Steve Jobs, but I actually said it first. I remember the first basket I left for little Stevie. He dumped out all the candy and ate the basket.

The point is, you need to stay hungry to win. I’m constantly hungry. I’m so hungry that sometimes I even dip into my own baskets and eat chocolate versions of myself.

 

2. Slow And Steady Gets You Nowhere

I’m sure you’ve all heard the famous story about my famous uncle who lost that race to a tortoise. I hate that story. Uncle Gary is an idiot. If you’re fast and smart, you’re guaranteed to surpass the wildest dreams of a slow-moving, slow-thinking turtle. If I wasn’t fast, do you think I’d be able to deliver Easter baskets to all you Christian children in one night? Heck no. There’s no room for slow and steady in business — you have to be fast and efficient. Trust me. I’m so efficient I just impregnated six other rabbits while you were reading this bullet point.

 

3. Build a team

I haven’t personally delivered baskets in nearly two decades. With more than a hundred Egg Distribution Centers around the world, I manage the day-t0-day business of the organisation without ever having to endure your decor. To ensure that your quality remains at a high level, it’s important that you maintain a connection to both your employees and to your product, so I am often found on the factory floor cracking jokes with the squirrels I’ve hired to man my assembly lines. It’s important.

 

4. The Carrot or the Stick?

The carrot, obviously. You don’t even need a stick. If your employees are out of line, you can just beat them with one of your larger carrots. I’ve done it many times. It’s easy. Find the largest employee with the largest problem, and problem solved.

 

5. Give Back

Now that I’m not involved in the grind of basket preparation and delivery, I have a lot more free time. When you’ve reached the level of success that I’ve attained, you feel a yanking in your ears to give back. In the month leading up to Easter, I volunteer my time at local shopping malls to pose for photos with children. They’re not sick children, but I guess their parents are a little bit sick for letting their kids pose with a giant humanoid rabbit. The point, don’t lose track of tomorrow’s customers.

That’s all you need to know, so hop to it! I’m not saying these five tips will make you an overnight success like me, but I am saying that if they don’t, your dreams are probably worthless.

 

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