After vociferous internet complaint, the director of the live-action Sonic movie has promised to fix his design. This is what matters to us in 2019. Great.
When I was but a child, I remember a birthday spoiled by the tone of complaint. I was waiting in line at Woolworths with mother and, more importantly, ice cream cake in tow; my progress was halted by someone at the front waging a crusade on a point I can’t quite remember. It seemed important, what with the amount of time we spent there, and the amount that my cake melted because of it. I asked Mum, when we eventually returned to our Volvo, cake in hand, and tear in eye, wondering why people complain.
She told me, dismissively, that people often complain because they’re either spoiled or bored. From that day, I endeavoured to not be that, but I fear I’ve failed, as I’m part of an entire generation of people who freely rely on complaint to get ahead.
Earlier in the week, Sonic T. Hedgehog sprang to life, which turned out to be a creation that turned the stomach of all who saw him, with the live-action version of Sonic being not exactly faithful to the original model. This, mind you, was a hedgehog that was slightly misrepresented. He was blue, yes, he ran fast, yes; but he wasn’t apparently Sonic. He was, as Twitter mused, the fuel that powers our nightmares, and the thing that shall not be.
I mean, yeah, but who cares, really. I was a member of Team Sonic in my youth, and his insistence to go fast at all times whilst eating fast food was the substitute father figure I clung to. Plus he saved animals from the clutches of a medical professional sporting nefarious accreditations. He was my hero. I should be one of the aggrieved, but I’m not. I don’t care. He mattered to me when I was 12, he doesn’t matter when I’m 32, nor should he. Those who protected his image, I believe, are trying to protect this being to force him onto their kids – which is worse. It’s why this rubbish 1990s throwback movie is happening, replete with professional weirdo Jim Carrey collecting a paycheck alongside the estate of Coolio for their hackneyed use of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’.
However, if there’s a winner here, it is us. Clearly, social media has afforded us a platform, one that we use to fling our effluent at these people who seemingly disrespect us, and/or the things we once loved. Not a week after the trailer hit, the dorks responsible have promised to re-do the movie version of Sonic, in an aesthetic befitting the world’s most well-known hedgehog.
Guys, we did it.
But at what cost? What was won, really? The slight visual twist of a character that will sap 95 minutes of our lives, especially when we realise that the movie isn’t the videogame, and that we’re no longer young, and that we’re not just the woman complaining at Woolworths, we’re those eating our cake too.