Andrew Wicks

The yolk is on us: Egging Scott Morrison could have us on toast

So, it happened again. However, I believe egging Scott Morrison so close to sausage day could leave us with a bad taste in our mouths.



I’m unsure if its because we’ve been fortunate enough to not experience the reality of political assassination or military coup, but in this country, we’re a bit odd. We use neither the pen or the sword. We opt for the common free-range egg to fell our leaders.

For those who missed it, Scott Morrison was targeted by an egg brandishing critic in Albury not too many hours ago, which left Scott’s bonce unmolested, the offending egg uncracked and the rest of us laughing, shrugging and/or wishing the path of the fired object was a little more, or a little less accurate.

Much like the Kennedy assassination, we’re left with a question. Where were you when the President of Australia got egged? Much like the Zapruder footage of yore, we have a few seconds of grainy footage to play on morbid repeat.



The difference, of course, (other than Morrison’s head reeling in the opposite direction) is that this is what we qualify as opposition, what those opposed can take from it. So, to utilise a current meme, aw shit, here we go again. #BREAKING, PM hit by egg; which will be regurgitated by those on The Project and the like, with Waleed Aly noting that it didn’t crack, but the cracks are there for the Coalition, and we’ll talk to Barnaby Joyce about it after the break. The mobilisation of the narrative is the salient point, as Scott Morrison has now vowed to ‘stand up to thuggery’, whatever that may be.

‘Blowback’ is an espionage term, describing the unintending effects an operation has on those who performed it. For instance, America heavily funding (and arming) Islamic extremists to fight the Soviets in the 1980s saw their blowback manifest with 9/11. I’m not saying that this is that, but affording the target a legitimate opportunity to fire back may hurt us come sausage day. Perhaps the lines are already drawn, and minds are already made up, but having our nation finally give into the satirical tone The Simpsons painted us in, where a comically large boot worn by a Mad Max extra is enshrined as a means of judgement, is an omelette I can barely touch. Disparaging the egg is an eggable offence.



I’m not saying that the target wasn’t legitimate. Fraser Anning also had it coming. But the means puzzle me. Be it the application of egg (or a forehead) on the skulls of our foes is a dangerous thing. You can cook an egg in many ways. We looked at the Fraser Anning as sunny-side up, his allies saw us as severely scrambled.

Sadly, this election is closer than it needs to be. For those opposed, we need the steady stream of Scott Morrison self-owns to continue. Making him the victim only really benefits him. The egg people already know who we’re voting for. But to those on the fence, or those who were previously going to draw the male reproductive organ on their ballot sheet, I fear those votes may trickle to Morrison, by virtue of being the guy who doesn’t egg people.

I could be paranoid, but every vote certainly counts. I fear, if we fail to do the right thing, we’re going to need four years worth of eggs – and that’s a shitload of eggs.



Andrew Wicks

Andrew Wicks is a country boy with a penchant for movies and sport. After a few years working in health, he decided he'd rather work with today's youth and studied arts and education in rural NSW. His main interests are religion, health and lairy shirts.

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