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For reasons unknown, people of the internet are now keeping blood-sucking leeches as pets. Sadly, photographic evidence exists.
History sports a proud menagerie of pets you really shouldn’t own, whether it be Mike Tyson’s three tigers, Salvador Dali’s Metro hopping anteater, or whatever the hell those Sea-Monkeys were supposed to be.
However, the above three examples have a sort of je ne sais quoi about them. They feel like they shouldn’t be living in your home, ergo, you roll out the doormat. With that being said, we don’t hold the pests around our house in similar regard. We don’t coo when we see a cockroach scurry under our fridge, even if we become familiar with the sight of aforesaid cockroach.
But, proving that we’re experiencing the end of times, the concept of keeping bloodsucking leeches as pets is a growing thing.
For whatever reason, people are wilfully purchasing these creatures, which you may personally know as those hellish singular beasts that have no ideas, but covet your blood at all costs, and can only be truly defeated by a salt shaker or the contents of a Zippo.
The image below depicts an unknown Japanese gentleman and his prized pet, a massive leech called ‘Succubus’ (probably), one that is playfully gnawing on his arm in the same way a cat or a dog would. It’s just playing, you know? It likes you. Don’t be scared.
Well, no. What you’re seeing is the individual in question feeding it, as they’ve decided to donate their own claret for the task. Which, is cheaper than pet food, sure, but it presents a whole series of questions.
First and foremost, what the hell is wrong with you?
Leeches, by the by, can grow up to sixteen inches long. It just depends on how much of you it imbibes. Hell’s enormous teeth.
For those interested, which I can generally assume is everyone, the average Giant Dracula pet leech retails for $17.99. According to the listing on Leech.com, which starts on a tangent, stating that, “…this leech is believed to be the basis of Bram Stoker’s Dracula novel which portrays a human being – a count, who really possessed leech-like behaviour and was himself believed to be a leech disguised in human form.”
What? I bet you half a Giant Dracula leech that this person writes leech-based fanfic as a side hustle.
The author of the ad quickly gets down to the minutiae of leech upkeep, writing that “the giant pet leeches can be fed every 3 to 6 months on your house pet. These leeches will expand to quite a huge size when fed and full of blood. They suck on the blood fast and very confidently. This pet leech is an experienced bloodsucker and is not hesitant in biting the chosen area where you’ve placed it. You can also place it on a dog, cat, sheep, cow or horse to feed on.”