NASA wants us to boldly go where no tourist has gone before

To prove that cash moves everything around us, NASA is now opening up the International Space Station to tourists. 



Space, the final frontier…for contrived holiday selfies?

To prove that all is not well, and the tourist is the premier virus that this species grew, NASA will now allow regular citizens on board the International Space Station (ISS). Not astronauts, the same dingbat that steals the majority of your armrest whilst getting up every sixteen seconds to urinate or massage their burgeoning deep vein thrombosis. Those people, accompanying you where no man has gone before. While Google estimates the average trip to the space station takes about six hours, they made a point to note how long the docking process takes. You only have to imagine the same conditions that hold us on Earth do in space, so I’d imagine some idiot standing up in the centre of the aisle, despite the fact that they can’t get their bags, or get off any faster than anyone else.

But, I’m getting distracted. Tickets to the ISS aren’t cheap, with NASA slugging private companies $35,000 a night, per The New York Times. From there, as the Times notes, is the wholesale price, as the private companies can charge us whatever they please for transit. According to Wired, one package is retailing for $52 million pissing dollars.

The question, of course, is what is there exactly to do at the ISS? I’m unsure if there’s a restaurant on it, if so, it’d probably be the same fare as the one on the moon, great food, no atmosphere.

The ISS remains a working space station, shuffling toward their goal of land astronauts on the Moon by 2024. Which sounds like a lot of hard work that remains to be done. I’m unsure if the refinement of that cosmic ballet is improved by some yutz with a selfie stick pretending to hold the wall up.

NASA will allow commercial and even marketing activities, but the companies will have to prove that they actually need the unique microgravity environment “to enable manufacturing, production or development of a commercial application.”

It’s also worth mentioning that the Russians have already completed the feat, as seven citizens have already made the journey to the space station. I’m not entirely sure that’s the greatest endorsement. Did we learn nothing from the Space Race?

Look, here’s a pigeon saluting Vladimir Putin.




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