Because the world no longer makes sense, OJ Simpson is now on Twitter. Fortunately, he’s down for a bit of Q&A. Lord.
Do you know why we can’t have nice things, and why one unspeakably nonsense thing is soon trumped by another? I certainly don’t, but I wish someone would explain it to me, as this week, on the 25th anniversary of his wife’s murder, noted punt returner/national disappointment OJ Simpson has decided to join Twitter, promising to “get even”.
OJ Simpson is now on your timeline, bet you didn’t see that one coming😉
— Slightly Biased Network (@sbnetwrk) 15 June 2019
The juice being loose on Twitter may be one of the four signs of the coming apocalypse or a terrifying final desperate squall of a dying Empire. I’m not entirely sure which, nor do I have any idea how Simpson believes that he’s been done wrong, after all, the man was famously acquitted of murdering his wife and her friend and also served time for an armed robbery in 2007.
“Hey Twitter world, this is yours truly. Coming soon to Twitter, you’ll get to read all my thoughts and opinions on just about everything,” says Simpson, which will now undoubtedly lead to a cock-measuring competition on Joe Rogan’s podcast.
The age of the internet has already modernised OJ, with The Mirror noting, “@TheReaIOJ32 joined Twitter on Saturday morning and posted a video of Simpson claiming it to be his real account. Just minutes later, the account followed up the initial post with one saying: “I killed her.” The account then posted “Where da b****es @” before tweeting the ‘N’ word. But it was proved to be a fake account of Simpson – taking the video from a similar handle, but swapping the lower case ‘l’ for a capital ‘I’ in the word ‘real’.”
Fake OJ accounts. This is indeed the darkest timeline.
With that being said, perhaps being able to slide into OJ’s DMs afford us a rare opportunity. Not often are we able to speak to a social catalyst. After all, it was his drive, his gun and his glove that gave us The Trial of the Century, one that gave Robert Kardashian a platform, and in turn, gave his wife and their children an opportunity to thrust themselves upon an unsuspecting populace. The contagion spread quietly while we were watching the lazy ambling gait of a White Ford Bronco. By the time we knew what it was, it had already taken hold, Kardashfluenza had already spread. First onto sex tapes, then onto reality television, to social media, and finally, to Kanye.
If I could speak to OJ, I would ask but one thing. Why did you do this to us?