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While today is International Take Your Dog to Work Day, it might be time for your beloved pooch to get a job. They’re no longer puppies, you know.
Today is the day that you should have brought your dog to work. It is, of course, the international day of such things. With your fur-person sitting at home, taking up space, eating your couch and not paying the rent, perhaps its time that lazy best pal of yours actually does something with their life.
As the resident cocker-spaniel at The Big Smoke, let me tell you, having the money to purchase my own people food has been game-changing. I’ve increased my revenue stream while continuing to add mine to trees around the neighbour during my power walkies.
But not every good boy is the right fit for every good opportunity, so perhaps you should match your dog with the following job.
In-house detective’s assistant
Pros: Exotic locations, fresh smells, steady work.
Cons: Extreme risk of personal injury as employees are often expected to protect the boss and/or save he/she from a corner the author has painted them into; is usually an unpaid position.
What to avoid: A company that solely operates out of a van and is staffed with pot-addled teenagers, one that places you in danger by bribing you with your paycheck.
Example to follow: Snowy (Hergé’s Tintin detective company)
Example to avoid: Scoobert Doo (Hanna Barbera’s Wacky Mystery Detective Co.)
Anthropomorphic dog-person thing with questionable goals
Pros: World domination, finally wearing the pants of the humans.
Cons: Not really a dog anymore, reproduction now ethically questionable.
What to avoid: Any place with a mirror, forcing you to face the horrible choices you’ve made.
Example to avoid: Goofy. End of story.
Pros: See space, instantly popular with the nation’s bitches.
Cons: No walkies in space, burning up on re-entry.
What to avoid: The beginning of the space race, the KGB.
Example to follow: Belka and Strelka.
Example to avoid: Laika (the non-Soviet propaganda version)