The internet’s deletion of the Dalai Lama proves our enlightenment

After the Dalai Lama made misogynist comments in an interview, the internet has cancelled him entirely. With Buddhism now destroyed, I ponder what our next stop will be?



Internet complaint is a sword of unusual power, one forged in the hellfire of discourse. However, the damage it wreaks has seemingly increased in the past years. We’ve seemingly grown tired of swinging it against the poor Woolworths PR peasantry, and we’ve since used it to push forward a marriage equality vote, and somehow, elect an unpopular president.

But who we vote for and who we bang are mortal constructs. This morning, we’ve achieved our coup de grâce with the news that the internet has killed off the 14th reincarnation of the spirit that powers the tenets of Buddhism.

According to numerous internet sources, the Dalai Lama has been “cancelled”, thereby halting the end of a school of thought that has stood since the 6th century BCE. The source of this bad internet karma stems from an interview his holiness granted, one that quickly went awry, as the Lama believed that a female successor would be no problem, providing she was “very, very attractive,” otherwise there would be “not much use.”



As it usually goes, the person involved issued a statement to clarify the initial remarks. “Firstly, in responding to a question about whether his own reincarnation could be a woman, and suggesting that if she were she should be attractive, His Holiness genuinely meant no offence. He is deeply sorry that people have been hurt by what he said and offers his sincere apologies.”

In response, Twitter user @mariootsa probably said it best, “You said it we heard it. Bye.”

It is, for a wise being of thousandfold years, a rather short-sighted shit-house apology.

Now whether an immortal being can return from a place of infinite banishment is a question indeed, but in the now-vacant words of the Lama (who?) “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others”. Clearly, we have an opportunity to not stop here, we need to help others with this power we wield. We’ve proved how serious we are, as Buddhism is a fairly decent notch on our belt.

Haters will point out that we’re performing this clickbait revisionism as an ironic act, as we’re prone to castigating right-wing governments for “doing a 1984”, but, clearly, words like the Dalai’s do not help, and the best we can seemingly do is construct an ever-larger bin to place people in.

I’m down, but I do have a question. Considering the Dalai Lama is infinite, is he deleted forever, or when the 15th reincarnation comes along, do we offer him to the opportunity to demonstrate that he’s not a misogynist or not? Also, what are we to do with all these Buddhists? Are they equally culpable, or are they just the mindless flock duped by an unperson?




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