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After a mysterious golden bird that puzzled a Britain turned out to be a gull that fell in some curry, I believe we’ve found the perfect symbol of our time.
Earlier today, the internet registered the path of a noble creature circling high around of our newsfeeds, telling the story of a mysterious golden bird and the confused employees of one British vet, who loudly wondered what manner of magnificent creature ended up in their care.
As the story goes, the Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital received a call from someone who had discovered a strange “orange bird” from the side of the road, one, that upon greater analysis, was merely a gull that fell into some curry.
Lucy Kells, who worked at the aforesaid wildlife hospital said: “He really surprised everyone here – we had never seen anything like it before. He had fallen into a waste vat of curry that was outside, it was chicken tikka masala. The thing that shocked us the most was the smell. He smelled amazing, he really smelled good. He cleaned up surprisingly well at the hospital, we used washing-up liquid a few times.”
While disappointment has been uniformly noted, I believe we’ve missed a trick. The story of the gull named ‘Vinny’ (short for ‘Vindaloo’) is important. Simply put, if there’s a greater example of our optimistic ineptitude, I’d like to see it. Vinny is the manifestation of our greatest fears and our dreams. We of this generation know that our apex predator is imposter syndrome. Somewhere, somehow, somebody is going to figure out that we don’t know what we’re doing, and because the internet never forgets, ne’er shall we live it down.
Which is the cross that elevated our feathered curry Jesus. What separates us from him is the depth of his resolve and the breath of his fortune. This bird, rising like a phoenix from the marsala should be an example to follow, not fear. After all, he achieved what we hope to, the discovery of a vat of free food, one that we wilfully gorge ourselves upon to such an extent that a member of the public has to get involved to save us, scooting us away to receive medical attention and/or a good wash.