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“Yeah, nah” – The US government responds to the million planning to invade Area 51

Due to the power of the internet, one million dorks are set to blitzkrieg Area 51 to find out the truth. The Air Force has since tabled its response.

 

 

According to the will of the internet, one million people are set to invade Area 51 in order to “See them aliens “.

The nadir of our nonsense is scheduled for September 20, a creature birthed by Facebook with an even titled “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us”.

Whether memes provide any protection against a machine gun fire is only one of the mysterious questions set to be answered on that fateful day.

“We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry,” reads a brief description of the event, authored by streamer SmyleeKun. “If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets.” The so-called ‘Naturo run’ is fashioned after the anime character Naruto Uzumaki, who can purportedly run faster than the average fellow, due to his head-forward, arms-behind-the-back running technique. The technique, of course, is bullplop – but the tableau of dorks going against the wire, face first, is a spectacle fitting of the times we find ourselves in.

In conversation with The Washington Post, Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews noted that they were aware of the event, but would advise against following through. For the boldest, McAndrews said that  ” is an open training range for the US Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces…the US Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”

The problem, I believe, is the mystery involved. It hadn’t helped that Americans were told that the base didn’t exist until 2013. The CIA confirmed such via a report, but neglected to mention that the base also held evidence of extraterrestrial shenanigans. Area 51 has long been part of the zeitgeist, in film, television and video games, with the latter allowing one to escape the facility as an alien named Elvis.

 

 

We just need to know, man. The facility, according to the CIA report, strictly participates in aircraft test flights, hence all the weirdness. Myth busted? Well, yes, if you happen to ignore the Pentagon confirming the existence of a $22 million government program to analyse “anomalous aerospace threats” in 2017. Fucking UFOs, mannnn.

As it stands, the entry to the site is guarded by a series of tin signs advising against your continued motion. Per The Washington Post, “In 2014, a tour bus carting four passengers near Area 51 inadvertently drove through the warning signs and entered the base, Las Vegas Now reported. The truck was stopped by men in “military garb,” and everyone in the vehicle was threatened with a misdemeanour conviction and $650 fine.”

Frankly, I’m all for post-massacre disappointment, and a bloodbath enabled by shitposting, but considering the machinations of internet resistance started with the death of a Gorilla (and the birth of a meme) in 2016, perhaps it’s best that we leave the truth out there.

 

 

 

 

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