The Morrison government has decided to act on climate change in the Pacific, sending our finest (soon to be privatised) string quartet to class up their watery apocalypse.
Responding to the criticism regarding their inactivity regarding man-made climate change in the Pacific, the Morrison government has pushed through a piece of legislation. The bill, the Music for the Dying Act 2019, approves a classically trained string quartet to play on the various islands as they sink into the ocean.
“This is the best we can do,” a source familiar with the matter has said. “What’s happening is natural and we refuse to do anything about it, but at least we can spruce up the end of these people’s homes and lives with a little class.”
The Bill mandates that the quartet will be passed from island to island on a coal-powered steamship, playing “Nearer My God To Thee” until the last scrap of land disappears beneath the rising and warming tide.
“Perhaps it’s a bit on the nose,” another source said as they packed their bags to flee to higher ground, “but it is a nice tune. It worked for the Titanic. It’s just a shame there’s nothing we can do, because we have no idea what’s causing the islands to sink.”
The source also confirmed that the boat and the quartet are also set to be subject of privatisation.