Last night, the internet devolved into lols and fear. But this is why they’re suddenly talking about feral hogs.
The internet is a silly place. Last night, it was overrun by a swarm of feral hogs of a disputed number. Sources claim it to be as few as thirty, and as much as fifty. As all things stupid and bold begin, it started with a solitary tweet, etched in response to the El Paso and Dayton shootings. This one:
Legit question for rural Americans – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?
— William McNabb (@WillieMcNabb) August 4, 2019
Clearly, Willie has his mirth hat on, obviously referencing America’s need for a ‘hunting rifle’ that is used militarily to kill people. Shout out to the domesticated AK-47 used in El Paso (and the 100-round drum magazine used in Dayton), and also to you, the AR-15, the household version of the military M4 used to carry out the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, in 2012; San Bernardino, California, in 2015; Orlando, Florida, in 2016; Las Vegas, 2017; Sutherland Springs, Texas, 2017 and more. The AR-15 fires ten rounds a second, because of the number of feral hogs present.
It’s worth noting that all of the above were purchased legally, because of the 30-50 hogs that will storm your property at any given moment.
This is what a 100-round drum magazine looks like from the Dayton shooting. Authorities say he had a .223-cal rifle with this attached: pic.twitter.com/sWh8MDHI0g
— Nick Penzenstadler (@npenzenstadler) August 4, 2019
Because, journalism, GQ‘s Gabriella Paiella reached out to the Arkansas Game & Fish Commission for answers. According to their spokesperson, Keith, that number of hogs would be “possible”, but noted that 30-50 would be “very large”. Keith noted that the ” typical size we see is usually less than 20″.
Typically, when faced with hideous horrors beyond definition, the internet made with the gallow’d humour.
got in a little hometown jam
so they put a rifle in my hand
sent me off to go and kill the 30-50 feral hogs
that run into my yard
while my small kids play
— Chris Crowley (@chrisecrowley) August 5, 2019
However, the problem is serious. Feral Hogs exist. According to Keith, they are a danger to “residential yards, agricultural crops, native habitat and ecosystems,” he explained.
“They’ve also been known to destroy cultural and historical sites such as cemeteries. They can carry diseases such as swine brucellosis and pseudorabies.”
Disease carrying beasts that desecrates the graves of brave American fighting people. Keep your guns America, and may God protect you from this swine.