Well, the new iPhone has been released. If history is any rule, the trolls will be out in force in order to ruin the hope of today.
Well, the new iPhone is upon us, another device with a new number to learn, slightly different features to note and a new price tag shake our heads at.
— The Verge (@verge) September 10, 2019
However, as hope springs eternal, and we ride the kick of new tech, it tends to bring the trolls out of hiding, armed with functions that the new iPhone certainly does not have.
So, clutch your worry i-beads close to your chest, and light a candle to your dorky saviour, as we leaf through the more questionable pages of the book of Jobs, and note the times his customers were thoroughly got good.
The original sin dates back to 2013, with the release of iOS 7. One that came with a nifty new feature. According to an official-looking ad (authored on 4chan), the new phone was waterproof, sporting a “smart-switch” that automatically protected the iPhone’s “delicate circuitry … it will shut off the phone’s power supply and corresponding components to prevent any damage”.
The advertisement also noted that “waterproofing (was) covered by Apple’s warranty policy”, and thus, everyone decided to see if their new telephone would be interested in a little swim. Predictably, it wasn’t. What followed, was some rather valuable company/customer interfacing.
Ok whoever said IOS7 is waterproof GO FUCK YOURSELF
— Sweeny (@sweenz001) September 22, 2013
Twelve months later, Apple announced iOS 8. This time, more official-looking marketing announced another amazing feature. This time, you can charge your new phone in the microwave.
According to the advertisement, the transmitter within the phone, usually used to connect with your nearest tower can feed off the waves in your household foodzapper. All you need to do is cook it for a couple of seconds.
Aided and abetted by trolls on Twitter, who noted that they were “…getting an average of 21 hours battery life thanks to #AppleWave!”, “I can warm up pizza and charge my phone at the same time with #AppleWave” and “tested: you can actually charge your #iphone6 using your #microwave oven, for 5-10 seconds, not 5 minutes like dumbasses did! GG, #AppleWave”, and you can guess what happened next.
“@LmaoAtDoseHoes: iOS 8 Wave pic.twitter.com/56XBX94xG7” I heard it only works if you stick your head in the microwave too
— Charles Mitchell (@CharlesM004) September 20, 2014
Flashforward to the release iPhone 6 Plus, one made with an aluminium base, one where the internet claims that it is totes bendable. Dubbed #bendgate, it sort of turned out to be true, as the new phone did bend in your pocket (and Apple knew about it), 4chan just took it a little further.
This time other brands got in on the fun, with the memes rolling soon in thereafter.
There’s more, but I feel I need to sit down. So, today, as we’re heralding the genius of Apple’s geniuses, we should also note the stupidity of the rest of us.
Maybe we don’t deserve nice things.