Christmas is upon us. Or is it? The actual start date for the holiday has long been disputed, so we’re holding a non-binding vote to sort it out. Vote now!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person in possession of a Christmas Tree is in want of putting it up. The primary question is of when. Now, I feel awkward bringing this up, as we’re a divided enough country as is, and I’d rather not add another disparate cause for us to unite against each other, but it’s too late, as I’ve already started typing.
For some, Christmas starts with the retailers, the seconds after the clock strikes twelve on October 31, as mental decorations hurled in the bin soon after the last forced boo from a school-age skeleton is heard, or the last cocktail from their teacher wearing the requisite salacious equivalent is imbibed. For those people, November 1 represents the unison march of identical Christmas Eves until December 24; and absolutely for those, criticism of an early erection will see the rusted barbed wire of opinion wound around the Christmas Tree in lieu of tinsel, to ensure that those who admonish the presence of the tree will not get to enjoy said tree. For instance, a close friend and close business colleague delivered Christmas tidings in the form of a Snapchat, revealing her company in the above. The child they had press-ganged into assembling the tree/picking a side also seemed to subscribe to that particular theory.
What I feel we need, is an unequivocal answer, polled by the populace, in a completely non-compulsory, non-binding way.
That being said, for those who are thinking that there is no right answer, please see me after class. What I feel we need, is an unequivocal answer, polled by the populace, in a completely non-compulsory, non-binding way, so please, don’t forget to vote below. Or don’t. We can’t force you.