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With the catastrophic fires drawing closer to Sydney, Scott Morrison has announced some timely news.
According to the Morrison government, the latest report from our immolated state is a good one, as it seems we’re close to the requisite number of thoughts and prayers needed to extinguish the blaze.
“We have received many thoughts and prayers from throughout the country and the world, most of which have been great,” explained Scott Morrison. “It just goes to show what the true Aussie spirit is capable of.”
In the same speech, Morrison also asked the whole of Australia “to have a go”.
According to the office of the Prime Minister, Morrison has purportedly also considered asking the populace to change their Facebook profile pictures to support our firefighters and has purportedly drafted a number of hashtags in order to “ensure that the situation is brought under control.”
“The most helpful thing people can do in a situation like this is to let others know, through social media, that they are thinking and praying for us…we’re so close to reaching the required amount of thoughts and prayers to fix this, so please keep them coming,” Morrison said.
“The sentiment from The Prime Minister was so thoughtful and heartfelt that it really lifted our spirits,” said one resident in the danger zone. “The fact that he took the time out of his busy schedule to think about us was really touching.”
The office of the Prime Minister has asked every able person to send their thoughts and prayers to help with the impending devastation.
“The worst we can do, is absolutely nothing. Ask not what we can do for you, but what you can do for us,” he said.