Well, Christmas is here and the only thing left to do is cover our gifts in paper. However, these enlightened dark times require extra thought in that regard.
Wrapping has been my life for many years but new and exciting developments are making me feel I’ve been born again. For the devotee of the wrap, there has never been a better time to dedicate oneself to the craft.
The most interesting, some may say radical, advancement is allowing the paper (sitting idly under a tree for days or weeks) to carry an uplifting and informative message for the young folk.
We’re all bored with images of happy reindeer frolicking and jolly fat men wearing red. We are over falling snow, sprigs of holly, silver tinsel, bright baubles and the pretence of happiness.
We’re certainly up to our eye teeth, and I think I speak for all of us, with ‘snowflakes.’
In the past papers have carried messages of hope and goodwill to all mankind. Nauseatingly twee and upsetting to members of our community we’ve attempted to make paper that pays for itself with a – Reality Cheque!
These dark days call for different approaches. Wrapping should never be static. It must reflect the changing attitudes of the day.
We’re proud to present, to all our friends and similar like-minded people, a new high concept in wrapping paper.
On shelves now, and available through all our online stores with assured delivery before the 25th of December is the I’m dreaming of a white Christmas wrapping paper range.
Subtle and beautifully made, these gorgeously printed papers are suitable for any household and any time of year. Delicate expressions of difference are not just for Christmas. Let your silent voice be heard all year round.
Can you imagine a small child’s greedy porky baby fingers tearing away this? From a distance, placed beneath the soft needles of a young pine, they blend in perfectly with other gifts. Some people don’t even notice the hidden message in their eagerness to open their presents. Fear not, they will register it sublimely.
Our openness with these issues is because of one man. Many view this glorious President as the messiah reborn. Evangelicals worldwide have ordained him The One. A tough talking, truth speaking, handsy hero for the believers.
The original Christ was friends with criminals and prostitutes (one called Mary with whom he was uncommonly close). He buddied up to tax men, lepers and paedophiles.
He brought dead people back to life and performed miracles in large function rooms. The similarities are too numerous to be ignored.
The Golden Child has been summoned by the Lord God to joyously march us to Armageddon. To the route of civilization, to the end of all discussions, to purifying fire for the sodomites and Rapture and eternal life for us.
The end is close now. Let us celebrate these last few Christmases we have together (for those in the know we have only 5 left!) while making plans for our eternal life.
Until the wondrous day of ultimate destruction arrives please enjoy these unique Christmas wraps.
They’re sure to start discussions ‘round the turkey.