Australia is finally closer COVID vaccine, as Scott Morrison proudly announced his coal-based deal.



Yesterday, the Shadow Minister for Health criticised the Morrison government for lagging behind the world in closing a deal to manufacture a workable COVID vaccine. “The United States has six in place, the UK five, Japan three, Mexico, Brazil and Argentina, one. Australia has zero.”

Today, Scott Morrison has unveiled the Government’s latest breakthrough in securing a COVID-19 vaccine for Australia, having just purchased 25 million lumps of coal.

The coal-based breakthrough comes after extensive research conducted by the Australian COVID-19 Vaccine Committee, which is made up of mining industry executives, handpicked by the Prime Minister himself.

The Committee’s recommendation included the easing of border restrictions for coal-bearing travellers and handing out additional coal in lieu of cash for Newstart and other welfare recipients.

‘Coal has been vaccinating the Australian economy for over a century’, boasted Morrison who is believed to have been trialling the vaccine even before COVID-19 was discovered.

Federal Minister for Health, Greg Hunt, also heralded the breakthrough but noted that coal-based measures do not always work for all Australians, which is why the Government is in talks with the mining industry for a gas-based vaccine as well.

It is believed that the 25 million lumps of coal will be stored in the US for safekeeping in the meantime.





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