For reasons unknown, the British are clamouring for this year’s hottest yuletide trend, the half Christmas tree.
While Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, it also births some of the most fetid, moronic and downright blergh retail ideas ever pitched. This year, alongside the seasonal bumps to the back accounts of Buble and Mariah, you can safely place 2020’s addition to the pile, the half Christmas tree.
According to The Daily Star, the discerning Christmas Grinch can purchase half a tree (which is cleaved from top to bottom), to either loudly state how much you care for the holiday, or, according to The Mirror, save on space within your home.
Oddly, the trend has taken off in Britain, with high-end retailers Hammacher Schlemmer selling you half a tree for double the price, with the below example retailing for $72 actual Australian dollars.
One can speculate the half-tree may have been enabled by Brexit, as only those who voted the correct way has the right to enjoy Christmas.
The product description reads: “This may look like a regular Christmas tree, but it’s been cleverly designed so that one side is completely flat, so no matter how limited your space might be, you and your family can still enjoy the magic of having a tree in your home.
“Standing an impressive 6ft tall and featuring 511 tips for a lush look, you can stand it flat against the wall to save on valuable floor space… it also means you don’t have to worry about any of your favourite decorations being out of sight at the back!”
The website adds: “It comes complete with a folding metal stand, and its hinged branches mean it’s easier to get into the loft or garage when the festive season is over.”
Strangely, the product reviews seem mostly positive, with someone calling themselves cy21 that the tree ‘did the job’, and “bought it a few days ago it’s ok if you don’t have a lot of space”. I hope Santa brings you a crash course in punctuation, Cy. Elsewhere, a user named Pam dipped a festive toe in seasonal irony, noting that the tree was “very full, just like the photo”.