In an effort to measure it, a man inserted a USB inside his penis. Which resulted in a trip to the hospital. But don’t judge.
A male from the United Kingdom was rushed to the emergency department after inserting a USB cable into his penis, in an apparent effort to measure his device. Sadly, the cable became knotted inside his chap, resulting in serious blood loss as he tried to remove it.
“The two distal ports of the USB wire were found to be protruding from the external urethral meatus whilst the middle part of the knotted wire remained within the urethra,” doctors wrote in Urology Case Reports. “The patient was an otherwise fit and healthy adolescent with no history of mental health disorders.”
At the hospital, he confessed to the doctors that he had inserted the cable into his urethra “to measure the length of his penis”, opting for this method, instead of externally using a ruler and adding three inches, you know, as normal people do. Hilariously, it is believed that the 15-year-old admitted what he did, only after his mother left the room, which would send the ghost of Philip Roth into a tizzy.
According to the report, “the team attempted to remove the cable via rigid cystoscopy — essentially pushing a metal rod up the penis in an attempt to draw out the cable — and an optical urethrotomy, surgically widening the urethra. Both attempts failed to get the cable out, due to the knotting, seen in the X-ray below. Imaging the cable situation showed that surgery was necessary.”
“A longitudinal penoscrotal incision over the palpable foreign body was made and careful dissection was undertaken through deeper tissues, splitting the bulbospongiosus muscle,” they wrote. For those playing at home, that’s a cut made in the region between the penis and the anus. “Both ends of the wire were pulled out successfully through the external urethral meatus.”
Good news, however, as the patient recovered well and will require monitoring by doctors, and presumably, away from the nearest docking station.
Oddly, this is not anything to write about, as the authors report that “the insertion of a wide variety of objects has been documented…(including) needles, pins, iron wires and pistachio shells”.
“No evidence of psychiatric disorder was existing and the “experimentation” in context of autoerotism was noted as the cause of insertion,” the authors wrote. “This constituted another case of sexual curiosity resulting in a challenging urological emergency.”
Ostensibly, it’s all normal, healthy behaviour. So don’t just leave those cables sitting around.