Today, Tim Cahill announced his retirement. For all our footballing lives, he was there to bail us out. With him gone, it’s time we all become adults.
Yes, France won the World Cup, but that’s only half the story. The captured nonsense that surrounded the event was substantially more layered.
While it’s been a big week in world sport, we should recognise the familiar violence that is taken out in its name.
This morning we discovered that football is not coming home. But, as a supporter of England, losing at the point of victory is all we know. It’s fine.
I always marvel at how radiant you look in the morning. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. The news? Oh, Justin Trudeau was held to a different standard, Edinson Cavani wants to blow up science and Scotland disappointed itself. Now come back to bed.
To prove that we’re truly in the underworld, England has advanced in the World Cup by virtue of a penalty shootout. What?
Morning, poppet. Overnight, Belgium betrayed the narrative of the World Cup, Australia literally fought the Philippines and one newspaper decided to birth a social movement.
Monday morning. Yay. Overnight, Russia shocked the world, Bert Newton was a goose at the Logies and Adam Sandler ruined someone’s wedding. Go back to bed. Please.
Friday! Good morning parts to you! Overnight, Japan made football cry, Ed Sheeran was sued for plagiarism and Breaking Bad is now six years away from getting its licence. Uncle HaaaAAannkk.
Well, Germany crashed out of the World Cup, Brazil rolled on and the millennials got another gift from their parents. Stop the world, I want to get off.
Last night, Craig Foster called those who trolled Lucy Zelić for her ‘over pronunciation’. What it represents, is the latest racial episode that has used football as a vehicle.
Well, Monday. It’s a thing. Overnight, England dared to dream, New South Wales actually won and one notable out-of-touch Turk voted for another.
Friday. Huzzah. Overnight, Australia didn’t win, but we found victory, Melania Trump wore words and a bunch of angry dorks wants to remake Star Wars. Ok.
Well. This morning Donald Trump listened to criticism, the World Cup in Russia went the full borscht and ‘Chicken Alfredo and Sprite’ entered the lexicon. Donald reverses his ‘caged kids’ border policy, promises to let everyone in. This morning, the masked figure of empathy swung through the windows of the White House, vice…
Oh, dear. Overnight, Donald launched his SpaceFarce, England barely won and one woman hit the jackpot. Sort of.
The difference between male and female fans you see during a World Cup broadcast come in two very obvious, very types.
Well, it happened. Eurydice Dixon’s memorial was vandalised, Germany lost their first opener since 1982 and Clive Palmer returned. But don’t call it a comeback.
Despite Russia’s stained political record, they were awarded the World Cup. And while we should focus on the beautiful game, we should focus on the ugliness that made it happen.
Morning! Overnight, the Minister for Women betrayed her base, Donald would invite Kim over for snacks and we have a scandal on the eve of the World Cup.
It seems that the exciting appointment of Bert van Marwijk will be a passing thrill as control of the Socceroos will be handed to Graham Arnold after the World Cup. Yay.